Mystery on a Train

          Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of this week I have a class in the DC area and get to have fun on the MARC train and the Metro.  I know most people have ridden the trains, and a fair number of people write about their experiences everyday.
          Wednesday morning... Start the car.  Drive to the MARC station.  Park the car (for free!).  Walk up to the station.  Stare at the ticket machine for five minutes, look around helplessly, and a lovely woman saw my face.  "The machine is broken, honey.  It is too cold for that thing to work.  You can buy a ticket on the train, they won't charge you more."  Huge sigh of relief and a hike up the steps.  I feel like I have bonded with this woman so I stand near her on the platform and we chat a little about the weather.  No one else on the platform speaks.
          A little light down the track becomes a roaring silver train and it is as if everyone has been replaced with ants.  Everyone is scurrying, running, getting close to one another in an attempt to be aligned with the doors of the train.  I was not in prime form that early in the morning (just about 5:45 AM) and stayed back a little to watch everyone hurry onto the MARC.  Getting on, I sat in a comfortable seat and settled in for a little ride.
          A sleepy, under-caffeinated silence took over the whole train and I was content to people watch while I could.  As we approached DC, the train slowly filled but the quiet nature remained.  I switched from the MARC to the Metro at the beginning of the orange line, and settled in for a forty minute ride.  Two young girls got on my car at the next stop and I smiled my normal smile and the younger of the two sat next to me, while her sister (or friend? I'm assuming sister) sat in the seat catty-corner of her.  We rode together in a mutual appreciation that neither was taking up a ton of space, coughing, or smelling weird. 
          After three stops went by and the girls were still riding with me, I had to ask, "Are you going to school?" 
          In almost a whisper, "Yes." 
          My need to know overpowered my sense of privacy, "Is it a private school?"
          "Yes." Her mother taught her not to talk to strangers without being rude. High five to her mom.
          "Do you have a long ride?"  I really could not wrap my head around how long their "commute" was to school!
          "We're getting off at Rhode Island Ave.  It isn't too bad," as if she read my mind.
          I left it at that and did not say another word until she stood to change to the red line, "Have a good day at school!"  I couldn't help myself.
          A little wave and my new friend and her sister were gone.  Twenty more minutes.  A man got on the train, went directly to the door on the other side of the train, and stood still.  He rode this way through the next stop, and just when I thought he was losing it, the next stop opens on his side and he walks right out.  He was a pro.  A pro-metro rider.  He was not alone.  So many men, women, boys, girls, everyone was a pro.  I was the only newbie that early in the morning.
          I went to my class.  It was wonderful.  We can leave it at that.
          I did not get to leave until after 6 PM and I knew it was going to be tough to catch my MARC train but I did not have any other options.  I ride the Metro to the connecting station and the whole way my stomach is in knots and I am feeling like I might lose my lunch.  Does everyone that rides a train get this way when life gets in the way and makes them a few minutes late?!  I get to the station and I missed the last train by 5 minutes, and the next train was not coming for another 50 minutes.  It is already after 7 PM at this point.  I'm hysterical... I won't sugar coat it.  I was crying, in public, with my head not on straight from lack of sleep and self-inflicted stress.
          What did I do?  What would you do?  Call mom? (Been there, did that)
          I may or may not have gotten on a train I was not allowed to be on.  I may or may not have called my husband and begged him to come pick me up from a different station than where my car was.  Well, without admitting to breaking any rules... I made it home.  I was a mess.  I hate breaking rules.  For goodness sakes, I am the most goody-two shoes person you'll ever meet.  I'm going to school to become a lawyer, not because I break the law often and need to be ready, but because I want to be someone who can help support the law.  So after beating myself up, and a little dinner, I promptly fell asleep in five minutes.
          I turned around and did it all over again this morning.  The silence was the same, until I got to the Metro.  A woman was speaking on her cellphone, and by speaking, it may have been closer to yelling.  I sat in front of her, tried to give her some privacy and attempted to not listen to her whole conversation.  You will never guess what surprised me the most.  She never lost service!  How did she do that?! I lose service the second we go underground on that Metro.  I get it back a little at every station, but this woman never lost it!
          Some of you may have thought I was going to go on a rant how you're not supposed to use cellphones on the Metro, but that would have been silly and pointless.  I do not know that woman's story.  The conversation did seem pretty trivial, but even some of my trivial conversations are important to get my mind off normal life stresses.  Who cares that she talked the whole ride?  Who cares that she was really loud in a world of silence?  I do not.  My Wednesday was terrible.  Maybe this woman's Thursday was terrible.
          It is not our place to judge our fellow occupants of this earth.  These past two days have opened my eyes to the realization that I am only one person in a busy world of billions.  Many of us, myself included, get wrapped up in our own everything and not think about everyone else.
          A man got on the train tonight with a bundle of flowers.  I immediately thought it was his anniversary with his wife and he was so sweet to bring home flowers! (It just as possibly could have been that he forgot their anniversary and those were "I'm sorry" flowers.  But I'm a glass half full type)  On my train this morning a woman came up to a man, said something in Spanish to him (in a neutral tone), he nodded, and she got off at the next stop without another word.  A few stops later the same man spoke to the woman next to him, again in Spanish, and then got of the train.  She got off a few stops later.  My mind soared in a million directions with the possibilities what this episode of Metro of Our Lives could mean.  Were they husband/wife and father/daughter?  They could have been, but there was not enough emotion between any of them.  Were they older sister/middle brother/younger sister?  Again, not enough emotion.  Were they all just more drawn to each other because they were Hispanic or Spanish, I plead ignorance as to which.  I feel more drawn to young woman around my age that smile as easily at me, as I do at them.  Maybe that was the extent of their connection.
          I do not know, and I will not attempt to guess, the truth about this trio, or my mystery flower buyer, or the cellphone woman.  All I can know fully is me.  All I can understand fully is me.  I will be patient.  I will be understanding and kind.  I will continue to hope the best of everyone.

Happiness starts with you.  Start today.

Blog Revamp!

          HUGE shout out and thank you to one of my closest friends, Shannon, for helping me "clean-up" and tighten my blog!  I never could have done it without you!  It was like watching a magician.  I may have been watching every step she took, but I am positive I would not be able to reproduce anything she did.

          Today I had to run to my grandmother's church to donate some of her books, and then Shannon and I enjoyed some window shopping, followed by blog fixing.  We may or may not have gone into an adorable children's store, and we may or may not have said "Oh my gosh!" and "Awww!" way too many times.

          Shannon and I have been friends since 2nd grade.  We haven't been as involved in each others' lives as much as we may have wanted, but we have remained close through the years.  Lately, Shannon and I have been going shopping and seeing each other more than we had been.  Shannon has a beautiful blog- http://www.sincerelyshannon.com/  Her blog actually made me want to blog, and after a poor first attempt, I knew I needed her help.

          Her mom has a blog too- http://www.fromthissideofthepond.com/ and she took this picture of Shannon (and her sister) and me at my wedding.

 

 

 

It has been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship.  These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. 

They understand life is busy and love is there.

 

          Most of my friends are these everlasting kind of friends!  One of my friends, Katie, came up from Texas for the holidays and we were fortunate enough to see each other on New Years Eve.  We had not seen each other since my wedding but it was as if it was yesterday!  So even though I do not get to see my friends as often as I might like because of our distances and busy lives.. I am lucky enough to have wonderful everlasting kind of friendships.

 

 

Proper friendships have no limits.

Christmas Is About Family

  Christmas is about family- your ancestors, your descendants, and your right now family.  

  I have been thinking a lot about my ancestors lately and how far back this gene goes.  I do not know if it came from my great grandmother or great grandfather.. Both died from other causes and my great grandmother had enough children to probably negate her increased chances if she had the gene.

  There are multiple studies that show that having multiple (full term) pregnancies helps lower a woman's chances of breast and ovarian cancer.  One study said something about if a woman had 5 children she could cut her chance in half!  ( my first thought is 5 college tuitions!)  Other studies focus on having children when you're still "a young woman" and the studies focus on having a child before you're 20!  Well I'm older than 20, but I would still consider myself a young woman!

  I have not had a meeting with a genetic counselor yet, so my thoughts are still just my own and not medically guided.  Every day I think about having a child.  Every day I worry about having a child.  Should I fit a baby into my plans sooner rather than later for my health?  Can I wait until I graduate law school to have kids, or is that too late?  How old is too old to have a child?  Until I meet with a counselor, I will continue thinking about it non-stop.

  The nurse who gave me my results said, "I know you will worry about passing this gene on to your children."  Well, sorry lady, you do not know me.  I do not want to pass this gene on to my children but there is nothing I will be able to do to prevent it.  My father was more prepared than my grandmother, and I am even more prepared than him.  My children will have a mother that was vigilant her whole life and will help them do the same if necessary.

  So much to think about!  Well, be thankful for your family, especially today and tomorrow,  no matter how ridiculous, embarrassing, silly, annoying, or overwhelming they can be.  Be grateful for the time you got to spend with those who have passed.  Learn what you can from your grandparents or aunts or uncles, even if it is "crazy aunt whoever" or "senile grandma".. There are family traditions and memories they have to share, so listen closely.

Merry Christmas! 

There's no place like home. 

Update #1

BRCA update- I have made 2 appointments with 2 separate hospitals for genetic counseling.  I'm going to compare a couple things..

A.) the doctors- are they knowledgable? Are they nice enough without being so gentle that they won't tell me the truth? Do they understand my personal situation or am I going to be forced into a cookie cutter program?

B.) the number of additional doctors on the team- I think I will get a medical oncologist, a gynecological oncologist, probably a technician for mammograms, a scheduler, and the genetic counselor.  What else do I need? Who else would be truly helpful? Are these other doctors readily available or am I just going to see technicians every visit?

C.) the plan- I don't know when to start my scans, I don't know how often each group will suggest, I don't know if they're going to look at family history/my body type/my life plan to try to configure a plan

D.) the numbers- I only have the numbers I've found on the internet, and the brochure that came with the positive test results... I need updated numbers, how on top of these newer medical issues are these groups? I want honesty, not sugar-coated candy sticks!

So, I will go to both appointments, see how I like both through the above criteria, and hopefully find a lifetime doctor group.

(I did not include additional staff as part of my factors because both women that I spoke with were amazing!  Both were gentle but knowledgable, understanding of my urgency and had all the right answers to my questions.)

Update on my working out- I have a love/hate relationship with exercise.  I love when I'm done, I hate getting out of bed to workout when it is this cold! With that said.. Pinterest saved my life though!  I found a handful of 10 minute workouts by a trainer used by some of the Victoria Secret models by PopSugar.  I did the bikini prep one yesterday and got my butt kicked real quick hahaha ten minutes to be exact!

I'll keep y'all posted!

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.

The Beginning

           I’ve started this blog for one main reason: I am an information-aholic and (in my opinion) there is not enough information out there in the world about the BRCA genes and the men and women who are effected by mutations of these genes. 

            I found out on December 3^rd, 2013 that I am positive for a BRCA 2 gene mutation.

*Disclaimer- I am not a doctor.  The information I share is from the internet and other sources.* 

*Please do not take my word over a doctor’s or another medical professional’s.*

            To start the story properly some background is necessary.  My paternal grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in the 2^nd grade.  She had a single mastectomy and took Tamoxifen for a while after that.  My father’s cousin then died from ovarian cancer during my sophomore year of college.  (She went into the hospital on a Monday with “flu like symptoms”, was in a coma by Wednesday, and died on Thursday… I’ll discuss ovarian cancer in another blog post, and my fear of the “silent killer”).  My father’s other cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer, and is now a survivor!!!  My father’s sister (my aunt) was then diagnosed with breast cancer, and is also a survivor!!!  My paternal grandmother was then again diagnosed with cancer: stomach cancer.  She had her stomach removed, had chemo, and was doing pretty well until the cancer came back and she passed away in November.  While my grandmother was getting weaker, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in September.  He has since had his prostate removed and is doing quite well.  He will be getting radiation this spring and his surgeon is hopeful that this should clear up any potential problems.

            Recap- Breast cancer- grandma, aunt (survivor), second cousin (survivor)

                        Ovarian cancer- second cousin

                        Stomach cancer- grandma (same one that had breast cancer)

                        Prostate cancer- father

            I am not sure when my grandmother’s sister got tested for the BRCA 2 gene mutation, but I believe she was one of the first to be tested.  Everyone that has tested positive for the mutation, except my grandmother’s sister and me, has had cancer.

            So, if it is not obvious, I have had a lot of cancer exposure in my father’s family alone.  Because of this abundance of cancer, a person should think about getting tested for the BRCA 2 gene mutation.  Unless your doctor suggests it, I do not think you should get tested for the BRCA 1 or 2 gene mutation if say your third cousin had breast cancer and that is it.  But if your mother or father, grandparents (either mother’s or father’s side), or aunts, or uncles have had cases of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, or early on-set prostate cancer, you should talk to your doctor about the BRCA gene mutations.  I do not, in any way, want to scare anyone, but I want more people to be aware of the potential risks.

            The test: the BRCA gene mutation test is the easy part.  Your doctor orders the kit from Myriad labs.  You go into the doctors when they get the kit and they take some blood (not that much) and send it back to Myriad.  Then comes the hard part… the wait.  It took about two weeks for Myriad to receive my kit and run my insurance card.  Then it takes roughly ten days for the actual test to run.  Then Myriad mails the results to your doctor and the doctor calls you and asks you to come into the office.  Then comes the moment of truth- either you are positive for a “deleterious mutation” or you’re not.  Even if you get a negative result back, you should still be vigilant in your screenings because even though you did not get that gene from your parent, you did get some of their other genes and cancer can be familial.

            Some numbers- the brochure that came with the positive test result sheet has some important numbers about the chances.

            If you have not had breast cancer or ovarian cancer (which is me):

                                                            Mutation Carrier         General Population

            Breast cancer by age 50                      33-50%                        2%

            Breast cancer by age 70                      56-87%                        8%

            Ovarian cancer by age 70                    27-44%                        <2%

           

            There are other numbers in the brochure, but if you are positive, you will get the brochure and get to see the scary numbers too.  I will admit, I am a worrier (that’s why my dad got tested- the thought being he would be negative and I would not have to worry about it).

            Now, my to-do list.  It says I need to get clinical breast exams twice a year, MRIs once a year, mammograms once a year, and sonograms once a year.  Of course, I googled.  I am lucky enough to live in an area with a lot of medical options.  I am within driving distance of Johns Hopkins Hospital, Mercy Hospital, and Anne Arundel Medical Center, all of which have programs that I could become part of.  So, now I am currently trying to get into one of the programs and find a good “for life” doctor.

            In this blog I want to share my life with my BRCA 2 gene mutation.  I want to talk about my fears, my victories, my experiences, and my information worth sharing.  I also hope to help someone, anyone, just one person, with my blog.  In my googling after my diagnosis, I found a few blogs, a lot of which were somewhat negative.  I want to be the bright light, the beacon of hope for the newly diagnosed or even the person who has had it for over fifty years!

My fear: I will get breast cancer before I have kids and won’t be able to have children.

My victory: I found out about my gene at 25- the age I should start getting tested.

My experiences: Cancer sucks (Obviously, but it is still too much in my life right now).

My information worth sharing: Exercise- the only thing everyone agrees prevents cancer.

My goal before next post: Work out consistently every morning and most afternoons.

          I am not looking for pity.  I am not dying.  BRCA 2 gene mutations are weird!  I have something I am battling, but I don’t actually have cancer.  I am in no way saying that a positive gene diagnosis is harder to deal with than a positive cancer diagnosis.  Also, some have used the word, “previvor”…. I am a regular Dr. Seuss, I make up words all the time, but this word is not my favorite.  I like the term warrior.  I will be vigilant, and I will be screened as often as I need to be.  I do not want “I’m sorry”s, and I do not want “are you scared?!”s.  I was given this because He knew I could handle it. (p.s.- I was religious before my diagnosis, it was not a sudden reach because of it)  I want women to go to their gynecologist.  I want women (and men) to get up and run.  I want you to count your blessings and tell everyone you love them.  I am not great with words, and even worse at telling people about things like this, especially about me.  To people who know me personally (not just through this blog): If this news seems like something I should have told you in person, please understand that this is a weird and awkward thing to tell people.  It is better to know all the stuff that comes with this all at once, rather than a text or call with random flutterings of conversation about it.  So- run, go to the doctor, love each other, and maybe eat a salad instead of those delicious French fries (I know the last one is hard!).

Beauty is nothing without strength.